tut...tut...tiiiiiit! Hello?

Bah! Okay. Long time never seeing you. Got a load of burden inside of me either. Sad and 'feeling missing something' had enthroned my happy, 'always smiling' and 'other's stress feeling absorber'. Are you with me? I hope so. Well. The life i live had change by days. Can't figure it out, why? The solution for it as i'm still on it if i got any hope left. But seems like  there is none. Pathetically. And it is still under my consciousness. So for that I'm happy and i won't regret. And about my studies? Well, i'm trying hard on it of course. no one is perfect but if you think that you're perfect than you're totally wrong. But we're human and we are trying to make our life better. Never more than that. When i said that i had changed, it means i change into another people. i don't talk to my bestF. As close and as normal before. I felt sick. I want if i have chance, to say sorry but to think about it, what have i done? it's not my wrongdoing, again.

I don't know what makes me tis way at first i really went blank.then when i think properly. There is the cause. maybe it's all about me. Who knows. Here is the testimony.

i'm a happy go lucky guy that always you know makes other smiles and laugh with me. i also give advices to my friend when they are stress. but last week, I really can't bear it anymore. it was such a gigantic thing to dealt profusely. Selfishness that flow in their innermost blood had actually annoyed me even from before. All people know that as a guy it's normal to put the word 'ego' in their head but not being a selfish human being. Before when i realize it, i bear in mine that it's their type of view and that will never ever flow in my blood as my ancestor never been i assumed. Really. I can't stand it anymore. They think that they are perfect some sort of making me saying "eu". But well that's the reality.

They are my friend. So when being together with them i always thought that i'm a little bit of contrast within the group. but to keep alive, I talk and laugh although sometime maybe for most of the time they had never thought that i'm their friend. I'm sick of this. i really miss my innocent and white colored life before. Where all things seems to be too easy for my head to deal with. Now i think as if i have to add a lot more external hard disk/drive with thousand folder to put my life. Pathetically, i'm not equipped with stuff to stand this difficulties. the way that i choose, i choose to just stay silent and say to my self, "It's my fault as they don't understand it and it had been in their blood of vigilant that they are hard to digest what i said." It is totally contrast, the music flowing inside their innermost  mental. Maybe i try to stand for it. I'll try. We're 16. Very young and very old too. But why act as a baby? It's weird to see people without consideration and adult-thinking, that only know how to curse and to oppose telling other "I'm right and you're totally wrong". i'll try to rest my mind from these ill-making disaster. 

But I still love them as a friend and i will never end our relationship. Considering about other's wrong doing and bad habit will help us to live in a peace world that all may always want. that's all.. eu~