just an evening talk

nice day people? bet you did. i'm fighting with myself for having this mundane life. but it isn't that boring but like seriously i'm a lil bit too solitude. but for some particular moments, i like it. do you get what i actually meant? no no no you don't. because i can't figure it out myself. i wake up every day. feels hungry. go to the cafe for breakfast or lunch. take bath. online. read books. watch movies. feels hungry. eat dinner. tired. sleep. and it happen all over again. i just lost reasons for living.

to be honest, yeah, i'd always feel like this before. and it is actually good to be alone. you will just figure it out. sit down and think. think think and think. and i'll get to sleep. lol. thinking is tiresome sometimes. but i know. it is just being too worthless to think something so reckless as this. but fighting against yourself, for me is the most hardest thing to do. and even more for me who are a lots too sensitive. my receptors are just too powerful. the range of detector are just double the normal people. and to add to that, think what would happened if i think at the wrong time wrong places. i'm just being dead meat. killing myself i tell you. im just kidding. making fun of myself.

it is just that sometimes, we can't really figure someone out. and it is much more harder than fighting your own selves, which i thought earlier to be the hardest, but it is not. completely the opposite. as teenagers or adolescents, for sure we all know what important in our life. although they differ between each and everyone of us but they wouldn't go that far i believe. it would be something about friendship, loves, passions, sports, all for a life to keep. doing things for the future. build them now so that we can have it later in the future. making friends are not as easy as we thought it will be as the human itself is not easy to figure itself. complex. choices. they can just change when we're friends. they can leave you. choices that none of us can stop one another to accomplish. i was thinking that as i am nearly becoming 2 decades of life that i'd chose wise in my life. but it seems to be not the case. i failed. or maybe it is just being me, thinking too much about everything. who are my friends really? do i know them so much? or was it the influences of movies affects me too much? making me believe that there are true friends?? is there true friends even exist?

okay i think i'll stop here. its raining with thunders and lightning quite often lately. and well the dementors in the 12th college, what more worst than that. k, then~