the wall that shouldn't have been.

oh great. 2012 is finally goin to its end and it is my last day being 18. haha what is the right expression for this? im clueless. haha. but i think i'll just make some conclusions. this year heh. i know that life will never being good all the time. it will always you know, up and down the hill. and it is absolutely obvious in my timeline this year. 

January - best time ever. live a healthy life. eat well. enough exercise. no fat-making
February - early month failed my jpj test, end of the month pass the exam
March - nothing, fat-making with car, no more walking around.
April - SPM result are out. best time ever. having good time with the EDC.
May - life begun to be very hectic. went to all the interviews
June - entered PASUM
July - study mode, fat-making, no exercise
August - study mode,  fat-making, no exercise
September - mid sem, burn a lil bit fat walking to the exam hall
October - result didn't go out pretty well
November - final, burn a lil bit fat walking to the exam hall
December - result didn't go out pretty well. ended being a short fat guy.

see. it didn't ended so good didn't it. well there is no one else to put the blame on. i made it myself. wrong strategies. wrong turns. i only didn't do well in my final. how am i suppose to react. i never like writing in lined paper. i get stressed out. i don't know. i couldn't get it either. i get stressed out, panic and ultimately blank during the examinations. that's my problem. others who didn't did well in test and reports mark can even get 4 flat just by answering final papers correctly. im a loser i know. i failed at the end of the road. that's the only different that makes me a loser compared to the others. of course i am sad. i would be the most terrible person if i said that i didn't find it saddening. i even cried like crazy when i realised that my plan, my dream of going to medicine is not even an option anymore. there is no way i'm going to be a saviour. a doctor. how i wish there in april, i didn't apply to enter pasum. this place is just so unfair. its so hard to enter um. just if i went to matriks. then score easily. i can easily enter med faculty in um. i really want to. but it's a no no for me now. but whatever it is now, i'll keep on moving on, trying.