You made me feel not alone

when i receive my physic test marks, the first one only 4/10 and the second one 8/10. i made an improvement and that i favour. id been trying so hard you see.  i actually am a lil bit gasping when i realize that my midsem was already over and now only a quarter left for this foundation program to end. dumbfounded really. and i don't seem to be doing well enough in that exam too. what have gotten into me. yeah i know. like i'd been turning my life 180 and walk blindly down that path. my dad always reminds me that he hopes that i'll be on the right path. i am really sorry. he always hopes. i really love this kind of elders with wisdom. i made a phone call to him and yeah i actually learned to be more open to my parents lately as i figure that it is important. both of them. i tell them things that i don't usually tell anyone. and when it come about my studies, i said sorry to both of them. 

when i said all those thing, i was already ready for the consequences, harsh word etc.. but remarkable things happens in the most unpredictable ways. he answered me that he didn't get angry or mad or something,  they just feel sad and sorry for me. for i am the one who will be going through a long road ahead. and at that moment i really can't hold tears flowing down my cheeks. i was totally shocked too. i never cry in front of my parents. (minus when i was young). and i hold my breath to keep it from my parents. honestly i cried damn hard that night. luckily my roommate was not around. these brought me into a very deep thinking. asking myself why and what and i actually find the reasons. i study without reason. thats the problem. i didn't get the passion. i study i remember without vision. mission. remembering and reading without nothing in mind. no goal. that's why i am not going in the right path. there isn't even a sparkle of light in my eyes. that's why. 

but whats done is done. there's no way i can get a chance to change my results. so, of you're reading this and you're in the same condition. think fast and figure it out before its too late. even if i don't know what am i talking about. till then