Rest in Peace Yadu

I woke up so early that Sunday morning to realise that the sun haven't shown its beautiful rays. And so I decided to snuggle more in my bed to continue sleeping. I was tired, feeling satisfied after the resource biotechnology dinner the night before. I was woken up to the sound of my phone ringing and I was taken aback to see lots of messages and miscalls on the screen. I feel so sick with myself to even oversleep until 9 am in the morning while my yadu just passed away earlier that morning at 6.30 am. My lovely yadu.

I’d been prepared to watch her leaving us. Who wouldn’t? She was already 87 years old and about to turn 88 this coming October. But I’m not prepared to watch her leave so soon. I thought that she will leave us like 10 years to come. I already plan to bring her to attend my graduation day since my dad will not be there. I am so sad about this I don’t know why. 

“I miss her.”

That is the only thing that keep on coming into my mind, not after the funeral but long before that. They said that it is normal for the elder people to go senile. And so she did. My grandma, my ‘yadu’. It was normal for her to not really remember people, although they are her own children or grandchildren (as long as I could remember). This, I believe is because they rarely come to visit her and so she didn’t really remember. Young people turn into adult and their appearance changes. I was grateful that she always remember me, welcoming me every time I went back home for holiday. She will always hug me and kiss me on both cheeks, making everyone feels at home. When I was younger, she will prepare me something to eat, her own homemade soup. I miss all of these. But when she gets older, about less than a year ago, she started to forget people, even me.

Her body started to fail her after my dad passed away last year. As elder one, I believe she is affected by the sudden death of my dearly departed father. To die at such a young age. She lost her appetite, gastric in her stomach getting worst to the extent that she couldn’t eat. Almost everything that she swallowed will be expel from the body. Due to this, she started to lose even more weight although she was already so skinny. I feel bad for not being at home at these crucial times. Both my mother and yadu needs me, but I’m not there for them. I feel horrible. Now I know that my mom is lonely. And yet, I couldn’t do much. I’m only able to make a phone call and talk with her.

“Family, if it is filled with love, will give us happiness and warmth.”

“Blood is no longer thicker than water.”

Based on real life situation. I feel sad to see our own member of the big family quarrelling and fighting each other. There is no sense of forgiveness and ‘closing an eye’. Is a tie of marriage considered as something so fragile? I don’t favour it to crumble down. I want to see them as a family again. Coming together, smiling and happy. But these are just a fantasy in my head. They are not together now and poor cousins, they have to deal with this at such a young age. I don’t care if they took side is this battle (which they did). But to choose not to talk with us and think that we are nothing to them are very wrong in every aspect. What have we done to them? Are we that bad? No matter what happened, we are still family and we are still cousin. They are still our auntie and uncle. How could we change that? After all these years? But some are able to do it. They cut all these relationship that keep us together as a family. I don’t know what has yadu did to them, but they didn’t even come to pay their last respect to their own grandmother. While posting their happy faces on social media during the funeral, to show that this has nothing to do with them. I never really care before, but when they act like this to yadu, I feel sick. But I know that human are not perfect. There are still room for improvement and I believe that even if there is little, there are good in everyone.

can you spot me?

I just hope the best for everyone. Yadu lived a great life and she did a great job in raising me. We will always love you yadu. Rest in peace.