Tribute for my beloved father

Hi guys, sorry for not updating my blog for so long. I've been very busy with life now that I couldn't even sit and write. Which  I actually love doing. So, putting that aside today I'm going to share with you guys about our journey with my dad as a tribute for him. This is not a sad story but just as a reminder and just a little bit of my thoughts on the memories that sometimes makes me think and hope it could help anyone out there who might actually struggling the same situation. I hope I could actually help a bit. It might not be really helpful but I hope it does. So let's start.

To start my story, my dad passed away on September 25, 2014. Was diagnosed with prostate cancer in early 2013 and was told that he might die any moments by the doctor (seriously no kidding). But he fought hard and I couldn't be prouder for his determination. He lived longer than expected. He went for surgery to remove both organs which produce testosterone. I believe this helped prolonged his lifespan a bit because it stops the prostate from growing (you can Google it). But the moment he was diagnosed, the cancer was already at stage 4 and the cancer cells already spread to his bones.

After the surgery luckily he didn't feel that much excruciating pain anymore so he was still able to walk for months. But he gradually lost his strength and can only walk slowly. But of course, that is what he told us. We never know that he actually feel the pain. Later that we know that he only told my mom that he actually feel the pain but he just let it to himself just to make us feel good and not worry about him. We all know that eventually, people with cancer will end up being bedridden unless they die early. So we never ask him not to go around, but we let him go wherever he wanted. He even drives 1-hour journey to our village just to see his fruit orchard. Of course, we are worried and scared that something might happen while he was driving but when we think that he might not be able to drive soon, we just let him.

We would walk together to the Friday market (Tamu) every week to see and buy some fresh vegetables and fruits. He even bought me a baby local Kaloi which he did took care of when I went back to uni. Whenever I made a phone call I would ask about how he was and I would also ask about the Kaloi. We both love fish. Even though he loves fish for eating while I'm more interested in it being pet. I still could relate to it. However, people always find our fault and our mistake and our imperfections.

Accusations. Negativity. We know we couldn't stop others from talking. We are still human. They gave him the glares, watching him walking on the streets, not believing that he was unhealthy. People even thought that he was lying. Lying that he was not healthy and they are not happy that he still get paid just because he could still walk. Maybe the news that they wanted to hear and expect was my dad lying on his bed unable to walk. I couldn't believe that his own friends, adults, being so not understanding and negative. Some left, leaving him even though they used to be closed friends. At this moment, he realised who is his true friend and who really care for him. And as his son, I'm honestly grateful for those who never leave my dad, especially during his hard times. We really appreciate it and we hope that we could repay you guys in the future whenever you need any assistance.

But after times, he started losing control of his body starting from both of his feet going upward until he was bedridden. My mom and sisters tried to keep me in the dark for so long. I didn't know that my dad was bedridden since I was in uni. Until I went back for my semester break. For 3 months, I help taking care of my dad. One and a half months in the hospital, until one of the nurse there didn't like taking care of us just because we're related to the matron there so they bring up the issue of the matron using her power to help relatives. So we were sent back at home. They don't understand that we need help as we don't have enough manpower to take care of my dad. Only my mom and me.

At this moment, I realised the importance of passion in saving life, especially in the medical field. If you just want to work for the sake of getting money, please stop working. Find other jobs. If you are willing to be a nurse or a doctor, you should have understood the importance and the responsibility that you should have known to be willing to take. We needed assistance and help, but they sent us home just because there was no nurse during Eid. But we know we couldn't say a thing since they chased us away. The list goes on. From we asking for help for the ambulance to bring us to and fro to the hospital. Again, they bring up the issue that the matron using her power to help us, her relatives. We actually just need some assistance as we couldn't bring him ourselves to the hospital. I hope that someday they understand that their hatred and uncompassion will not bring them anywhere.

For those with family members having cancer, here are some tips and bits of advice that I humbly could give,

1. Try to act strong especially in front of the patient.

I believe it also depends on the personalities of the patient. Please don't cry too much and make sad faces especially in front of the patient. We hope that they will recover and be healthy again. Try to be normal and be happy. Believe me, this will give them good vibes and strength to be better. If we cry too much, usually it will affect them mentally too. Sadness will not give us benefits.

2. Smile and show some loves.

Tell them happy stories and jokes. It will brighten them up. Sometimes people say that laugh will make us forget our pain. In my case, when my dad was already bedridden that was the longest time that I ever sit together with him, talking. I told him all kinds of stories from my secondary school. Stories that he would even listen before. But he listened and told me that he was sorry for not listening to me before. I was happy for the moments. Even tho I couldn't talk with him now, at least I have the opportunity to do it before.

3. It is better to be silent.

You know when visitors come to meet the patient and told the family to be strong? Most of the time it doesn't help. Giving advices might cause more harm to the current condition. Although we think that we're being thoughtful, it isn't. Action is more important if we want to help them. Most important help that the cancer patients need is financial support. In our case, luckily my mom and sisters are working so we don't really suffer financially. However, others might.  So think wisely when you try to help. Even if we couldn't help financially, try regularly visit and cheer the patient. Help the family, and ask if they need some assistance. They might not beg and ask for help, but when others offer them, it would be easier.

4. Take as many photo and video together.

Now I believe everyone has smartphone with a camera. Take as many photos and videos as you can as we will definitely miss their presence in the future. A family photo would be very nice. I regretfully say that we didn't take so many photos and videos when my dad was alive because we want him to get better. But he didn't. I regret it so much. I would be lying if I say I didn't miss him.

5. Always be ready.

Do a reality check regularly and be ready for all the possibilities that might happen. We might need to call the ambulance at any moment. Keep the emergency number at bay and always alert to the condition of the patient. They might not even realise it. Other than that, always ready your heart mentally.

I think that's it for now. I hope it could be a help for those having cancer patients.